“A collection of profound and epic album reviews and musical articles by former astronaut and brain surgeon, Alasdair Kennedy. Reaching levels of poetry that rival Keats and Blake, the following reviews affirm Alasdair to be a prodigy, a genius and a god whose opinion is always objectively right. He is also without a doubt the most modest man in the universe.” - Alasdair Kennedy
I like music. Some of you who regularly read this blog may
have realised this. It's always nice to talk to people who share my passion for music. However, there are some fellow music fans who are not a joy to talk to. You've probably come across them before. Here is
a spotter’s guide:
How much longer must we wait?
These balls can’t get any bluer. It’s been almost ten years since veteran
rappers Ghostface Killah and MF Doom announced they’d be teaming up for an
album under the alias ‘Doomstarks’. Finally we have ‘Lively Hood’ – a
collaborative single with a badass orchestral beat that may possibly be a hint
that the new record is at last in the pipeline. I can just picture the deadly duo in
their volcano lair laughing sadistically at the steadily growing impatience of their fanbase.
'Polly’s Crystal' - Guerilla Toss
New York noise punk band Guerilla
Toss have a twisted sound that slowly sucks you in against your will like a
tornado. Bleepy synths and unsettlingly dissonant guitars ride a hypnotic
groove in this new seven-minute psychotic carousel ride, topped with some unhinged
female sing-shouting. Can you believe the frontwoman used to be in a gospel choir?
'Dream' - Long Beard
‘Dream’ certainly lives up to its
name. The New Brunswick band combine distant vocals and reverb-soaked guitars to create a lulling atmosphere that’s as warm as your childhood bed. You’ll want
to curl up and suck your thumb.
'The Nile' - Kisses
Here’s some indie disco for all
your indie disco needs. It builds up subtly from a galloping funky bassline, climaxing
with some pretty horns. Is ‘The Nile’ title a reference to Nile Rodgers?
'Oh Darling Don’t Meow' - Meow the Jewels
US rap duo, Run the Jewels, drop
another cat-noise remix. Yes, the beat is made entirely of meows and yes,
somehow it still bangs as much as the original.
THE WORST:
'Ride' - Lowell (feat. Icona Pop)
An overdistorted bassline and a
sweary chorus make this the perfect track for any teenage rebel looking for a
brattier version of Charli XCX.
‘Can’t Feel My Face’ is the kind of funky,
feelgood love song that momentarily restores your faith in the radio. Sadly
it’s also the only song of it’s kind on this album.
Eloise isn’t a name I’ve come across before. I guess
nowadays you’ve got to get creative given almost every other female name has been
taken and used in a song. Anyhow, all that aside, this is a damn good indie rock track packing some
serious groove and an explosive chorus you’ll inadvertently find yourself
singing the next morning in the shower. This London band could be ones to watch.
‘I Bite Through It’ –
Oneohtrix Point Never
Never one for conventionality, US electronic producer
Oneohtrix Point Never delivers this digital glitchfest. It ski-ski-skips along
like a scratched record, whilst skilfully managing to be both melodic and
emotive. A full album, Garden of Delete,
is set to drop soon.
‘Myths’ – Frank
Gamble
These vocals sound bloody awesome. Is this even a dude
singing? I mean, I don’t know many chicks named Frank, but that range is
extraordinary. The glittery semi-trap instrumental is pretty awesome too.
‘Talk To Me’ - Nick
Brewer
I know the beat’s stolen from Crystal Waters’ ‘Gypsy Woman’
and I know T.I. already sampled it, but UK hip hop artist Nick Brewer’s smooth rapping
still manages to bring a new sense of life to it.
‘Ready Aim Fire’ –
Lexi Scherr
Don’t we have enough eighties nostalgia floating around right now? Probably, but this Chicago singer’s new upbeat single trumps most of them.
THE WORST:
Dooo it! – Miley
Cyrus
‘Why they put the dick
in the pussy?’ See my Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz review. Although you probably have ears so no doubt don’t
need me to justify what’s wrong with this song.
That's it. I’m throwing my
Hannah Montana DVD box sets in the skip. Who does this outrageous woman think she is, poisoning the minds of children? Does she not think of the children? WILL NO-ONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
I’m glad Trails and Ways aren’t another depressing wannabe-Smiths
indie band. I’m also depressed that it’s taken me until September to give this
album a listen when it could have been fuelling my summer.
As usual, I single out my favourite and least favourite singles from the last seven days. This week Slayer sing about getting stoned and Macklemore muses about mopeds.
THE BEST:
'It Makes The Babies Want To Cry' - George Clanton
Is this vaporwave?
Chillwave? New wave? I don’t know the difference any more (I never knew). In any case, this new single from
Brooklyn artist George Clanton is a hellload of fun. Shimmering synth stabs and
distant vocals make for a sparkly eighties-inspired pop track complete with
worn, bleary-eyed production. Let it wash over you like a wave, whatever –wave that may be.
'Cast the
First Stone' - Slayer
Tuned down to drop-z, Slayer’s latest single is a ten-ton sludgy
monster of a track that will rumble around your bowels. I’ve kind of got used
to the metal veterans churning out identical breakneck thrashers year after
year, so it’s nice to see the band trying something a little different
(relatively speaking).
'Downtown' - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Eric Nelly
Lyrically it’s not as witty as ‘Thrift Shop’ – mopeds aren’t
as funny as hipsters. However, the funky bassline and groovy agogo bells more
than make up for this. Ryan Lewis has composed a killer beat here. I’m still
warming to the flamboyant chorus, sung by guest singer Eric Nelly – its all a bit
cheesy and theatrical. Still, US rapper Macklemore has definitely put together a fun pop
song here, the constantly shifting instrumental keeping the listener guessing
as to what will come next.
'Floored' - Priscilla Sharp
New York underground artist Priscilla Sharp provides breathy
vocals over a glitchy electronic instrumental. The moments of silence are
deafening and make for some serious suspense.
'FF Bada' - Battles
Also hailing from the Big Apple, experimental rock three-piece
Battles tease the build-up to their new album La Di Da Di with a new characteristically-intricate
instrumental, ‘FF Bada’, accompanied by some more foody artwork to drool over. Their
last single ‘The Yabba’ struck me as a bit too noodly, but this new track seems
to be just the right balance of complexity and cohesiveness.
THE WORST:
'Ain’t
Nobody (Loves Me Better)' - Felix Jaehn ft. Jasmine Thompson
The Chaka Khan original was feelgood. This cover is depressing
and Jasmine Thompson, whoever she is, sounds like she’s trying far too hard to
be an Ellie Goulding clone.
Accompanied by an artsy music video in which Twigs gives
birth to rainbow ribbons in the back of a van amongst other surreal scenes
straight out of Salvador Dali’s nightmares, this latest 16-minute EP sees the
London-born experimental singer continuing to alienate pop fans in pursuit of
her own weird and wonderful style.
I single out the singles that made the biggest impression on
me. This week Boots gets brilliantly bizarre, Deafheaven get darker and ditch
the daintiness and Carly Rae Jepsen cuts the cuteness settling sadly for cookie
cut crap.
THE BEST:
'Aquaria' - Boots ft. Angel Deradoorian
To a backdrop of jittery dark electronic sounds American
producer/singer delivers this creepy yet alluring new song. Squelching bass and
industrial clicks weave in and out of one another whilst Boots shifts from
semi-rapping to groovy singing. I picture a handsome psychopath seducing his
prey whilst listening to this. Cali rock singer Angel Deradoorian offers some brief
female guest vocals.
'Brought
to the Water' - Deafheaven
I find it very hard to feel happy when someone’s screaming
at me. Deafheaven’s cheery approach to black metal on their last album Sunbather didn’t click very well with
me for that reason – I need a bit of anger and gloom to accompany my shrieks
and blast beats, otherwise it’s as confusing as watching Freddie Krueger in a
rom com. This new track thankfully seems to be less happy and more in keeping
with the evil metal spirit I’m used to. Eerie church bells kick off the track
followed by a series of melancholy riffs. Admittedly, the mood turns happy
half-way through the track, but contrasted against the gloomy opening it gives
the band’s happier sound a new dimension.
'Juniper' - Amanda X
Philly all-female rock trio serve up this ode to unrequited
love. Sour guitar melodies and an old worn production style reminiscent of The
Cranberries adds to the tortured vibe of the song. Its an aesthetic that has me
hyped for their upcoming EP, Hundreds and
Thousands.
Stop deliberately using slang that nobody understands! What
the hell is a nae nae and why would I want to break my legs? I can’t dance to
these instructions if I don’t understand any of them, and yes, I’m too ignorant
to want to understand them.
'Your Type' - Carly Rae Jepsen
‘Call me Maybe’ and
‘I Really like you’ were both cute, but now the sugariness is starting wear off
and Carly Rae Jepsen is starting to sound like a stale second-rate Taylor Swift.
'Flodgin' - King Louie
His squeaky vocal inflections remind me of how my voice
sounded when I was going through puberty, and I’d rather forget about that awkward
phase in my life, as would we all.
