Saturday, 30 November 2013

Review of "Bangerz" by Miley Cyrus


OMG!!!!!!1!!1! NEW MILEY CYRUS ALBUM *FAINTS* #DIEDANDGONETOHEAVEN. HAVE SPENT THE LAST 2 MONTHS LISTENING TO IT 24/7 AND IT RUUUUUUUULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’VE BEEN A MILEY FAN SINCE THE HANNAH MONTANA DAYS. SHE’S MY IDOL #GOD. SHE CAN ACT. SHE CAN SING. SHE CAN TWERK. MILEY HAS THE FULL PACKAGE. I’M MILEY’S BIGGEST FAN. I HAVE ALL HER MEMORABILIA. I HAVE A MILEY CYRUS TOASTER. I HAVE A POSTER OF HER ON THE CEILING ABOVE MY BED. SHE FILLS MY WAKING THOUGHTS AND MAKES UP MY DREAMS. I DOWNLOADED HER ALBUM THE SECOND IT LEAKED. I PREORDERED IT ON CD AND HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO IT EVERY DAY SINCE. I’VE PREORDERED 5 COPIES OF IT ON VINYL. I DON’T EVEN OWN A RECORD PLAYER!!!!!! #LOL #ROFL #ILLUMINATI

SO LIKE THIS ALBUM’S BEEN OUT FOR LIKE 2 MONTHS NOW AND I THOUGHT I’D LIKE GIVE MY OPINION ON IT AND DO THIS REVIEW SINCE I AM MILEY’S BIGGEST FAN AND THEREFORE AN EXPERT ON ALL THINGS MILEY CYRUS RELATED SO LIKE LETS BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ALBUM STARTS WITH MY FAVOURITE TRACK CALLED “ADORE YOU”. ITS A BALLAD. ITS BEAUTIFUL <3 XXX J IT ALSO MAKES ME FEEL SAD BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT BALLADS DO.

THE SECOND TRACK IS CALLED “WE CAN’T STOP”. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS SONG!!! IT’S PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM. ITS ALL ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO STOP PARTYING BECAUSE PARTYING WITH MILEY IS SO FUN AND IF I WAS INVITED TO ONE OF MILEY’S PARTIES I’D NEVER WANT IT TO STOP. IT’S A SONG ABOUT NOT WANTING TO FACE THE END. LIFE’S TOO FAST. BLINK AND YOU’LL MISS IT #deep #YOLO

THE THIRD TRACK WHICH IS PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE IS CALLED “BANGERZ”. IT HAS BRITNEY SPEARS IN IT. SHE’S THAT SINGER WHO WENT CRAZY AT ONE POINT BECAUSE SHE GOT FAMOUS TOO YOUNG. THE BEAT IN THIS SONG IS BANGING #AMAZEBALLS #SWAGGALICIOUS

THEN THERE’S THE FOURTH TRACK WHICH IS CALLED “4X4”. IT HAS NELLY IN IT. HE’S THAT SINGER THAT THINKS ITS GETTING TOO HOT IN HERE SO EVERYONE SHOULD TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES #GLOBALWARMING. MILEY SINGS ABOUT HOW SHE’S DRIVING SO FAST SHE’S GOING TO PISS HERSELF. ITS MAGICAL. PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM

AFTER THE FOURTH TRACK COMES THE SIXTH TRACK. THIS ONES CALLED “WRECKING BALL”. EVERYONE’S HEARD THIS SONG. ITS WITHOUT A DOUBT MY FAVOURITE. HERE’S THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR IT. MILEY GETS NAKED AND RIDES A WRECKING BALL #SAUCY





AFTER THE TENTH TRACK WE GET THE SIXTEENTH TRACK WHICH IS CALLED “HANDS IN THE AIR” AND WHICH IS WITHOUT A DOUBT MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM. IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUT MY HANDS IN THE AIR. I PLAY THIS SONG CONSTANTLY, WHILST DRIVING, WHILST AT AUCTION THEATRES. THIS SONG WILL BE PLAYED AT MY WEDDING THE DAY I EVENTUALLY MARRY MILEY CYRUS.

OVERALL THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME EVER IN MY OPINION. ITS BETTER THAN PINK FLOYD’S WHITE ALBUM. IT’S THE BEST ALBUM SINCE JUSTIN BIEBER’S BELIEVE. I CAN’T RATE IT HIGHLY ENOUGH. FIVE STARS DOESN’T LIKE GIVE IT JUSTICE SO I’M GOING TO GIVE IT 6 STARS!!!

 OOPS THATS SLIGHTLY MORE THAN 6 STARS OH WELL WHATEVER #CARPEDIEM #YOLO #TROLOLOLOL...

Monday, 25 November 2013

Review of "Artpop" by Lady Gaga


This meat-dress wearing alien from planet MTV, Lady Gaga, has rapidly mastered the art of making cookie-cut pop for the masses. She knows how to make her music catchy, fun and danceable. I’ve never liked Gaga BECAUSE I’M A FUCKING HIPSTER. Well, to be totally honest, I have had the odd track burrow itself in my brain and induce humming in the shower but no-one needs to know about that little secret (oh …darn it! too late…)

Gaga’s last album, which I didn’t listen to, managed to sell pretty well I believe. Gaga even had surgery before the album’s release, transforming herself into a half-motorbike, half-human mutant. The things people do for their fans.

Kill it with fire!

Now, Gaga has decided to release Artpop, her third studio album. She’s had the genius idea of merging art and pop (because no-one’s ever tried that before…).

To give her some credit, Lady Gaga is an intelligent girl. I’ve seen interviews with her and I get a sense she’s brimming with creativity, but that she chooses to pump this creativity into her image rather than her sound. Artpop sees her coming out of her shell a bit, playing with odd instrumentals such as on the title track “Artpop” and 80s inspired electro sounds on “Do What U Want”. However, when it comes down to the lyrical content, Gaga is still choosing to play it dumbed down, clinging onto her pop sensibilities with choruses like “Mary Jane Holland”. I get it, it’s a song about smoking pot in Holland and oh, songs about drugs are soooo controversial, but what's it all really about? Where’s the poetry? The depth? The answer is that there isn’t any, because Gaga fears that her mainstream listeners will abandon her if she gets too poetic, if she gets too deep.

I think sometimes it works to have a song that’s straight to the point. Sexxx Dreams is very daring in this respect, lacking in innuendo, going for a succinct approach to sex. Men are always getting overtly sexual, and the moment a female artist tries to tackle the same slant, they get slut-shamed. Props to Gaga for having the guts to do it.

I did like some of the tracks, namely the club banger “Swine” and funky, girly, guilty-pleasure-of-a-track “Fashion!”. They were both pretty fun. That’s what this album does well: its fun. However, none of the tracks speak to me in the way I like music to. Gaga has tried to make her sound meet her wild image, but it still feels very restrained. 



TRACK TASTER:

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Review of "Government Plates" by Death Grips


Death grips are a type of lethal technique that ninjas and Vulcans use to kill people.


Death Grips is also a hyper-aggressive, experimental hip hop group from California. We’re going to be focusing on the latter in this review.

Subtlety has never been one of Death Grips’ most prized assets. The album artwork on their last record, No Love Deep Web, consisted of a giant erect penis. Here’s a censored picture of the album cover:



Here’s an uncensored picture of the album cover:


Oh sorry, that’s actually a picture of me. oops...

Before releasing No Love Deep Web, Death Grips released an album entitled The Money Store. It had a gimp with boobs on the front of it.


Their latest album, Government Plates (the album we'll be focusing on in this review), has a government plate on the front of it and is therefore not as controversial or interesting as its predecessors, and therefore A TERRIBLE ALBUM.

Album artwork for 'Government Plates'



END OF REVIEW.


just kidding, just kidding, jeeeeeeez...


Musically, Government Plates is everything you can expect from Death Grips. In other words it’s totally unpredictable and utterly unmusical in every way possible.

Death Grips lavish in trying to be as disorientating and ugly as possible. They are the death metal of hip hop. Here, the group continue to push boundaries, experimenting with new musical ideas and obscure sounds never experimented with before. The emphasis on this album is on the crazy instrumentation rather than the crazy vocals, making this more of an experimental electronic album than an experimental hip hop album. Producer, Flatlander, forges some of his most abrasive beats, swamping them in digital effects and distortion. So much is going on musically that it feels almost impossible to keep up with it all. This overwhelming, dizzying mood is what I love about Death Grips. Here, they’re at their most dizzying and overwhelming.

The first track and the last track are arguably my favourites. The first is the ridiculously named “You Might Think He Loves You For Your Money But I Know What He Really Loves You For It's Your Brand New Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat. Vocalist, MC Ride, turns batshit insane rapping some of his most frantic verses to date, each verse split up with pummeling, headbangable bass breakdowns. Meanwhile, the last track, “Whatever I Want” is schizophrenic house music for aliens on ecstasy. It contains perhaps the only vocal hook on the album “fuck who’s watching!!!”, hammered at the listener over and over again in an almost comical fashion. Perhaps the album’s one only pitfall is its lack of MC Ride throughout the remainder of the album. He has much fewer verses on this album and the few contributions he does make are overly edited, chopped and screwed with, removing the human element. He helped the noise on previous albums have context.

Saying that, this is still essentially Death Grips and they continue to blow my mind with their originality. It’s incredible that this is their fourth album in three years and that they’re still progressing and still oozing with creativity that no other musician can rival.

Kanye, take note. 



TRACK TASTER:

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Review of "The Marshall Mathers LP 2" by Eminem


Guess who’s back? Back again (Yes, I had to use that opening line!).

This is the eagerly awaited comeback-to-a-comeback-to-a-comeback album, the final attempt of Eminem’s to put his white ass back on the hip hop throne. Relapse and Recovery, his two previous releases, failed to recapture the real slim shady. As Mathers states on the first track of this record “last album now because after this you’ll be officially done”.

Most artists come to a point where they accept they've passed their peak. Not Eminem. The Marshall Mathers LP 2 sees him with a belly full of fire, eager to prove he’s still got it, that at forty he’s still the best, that he’s more than the best, not just a rap king, but  - as the already-hit single clearly states - a “rap god”.

The last musician I heard claim that they were a "god" was Kanye West on his previous album Yeezus. I slated that album on this blog – mainly because I detested Kanye’s arrogance. If you call yourself a god you have to be prepared to prove that you are more than talented, that you are exceptional in every way.

Can Eminem get away with such a claim? Is he exceptional in every way? Arguably, yes.

The track “Rap God” is a master class on flow. Eminem’s ability to spit bars at speed whilst staying intelligible and conveying emotion is an ability that I think no rapper equals. The rest of the album proves Eminem has the full package. He puts his creativity and talent into really entertaining his listener at every possible second. The second track “Rhyme or reason” kicks off with some disturbingly hilarious imagery “It’s like handing a psycho a loaded gun/Michelangelo with a paintgun in a tantrum/bout’ to explode on a canvas” and then heads without warning into a verse delivered in Yoda-speak. When Eminem isn’t playing with shock value and comedy, he’s tugging sharply on the heart-strings with emotionally-charged tracks like “Headlights”. His mother, who he’s spent his whole career dissing for his tough upbringing, gets a truly poignant apology. It is Em’s ability to invoke such strong emotions through rap that makes him a God.

Perhaps my favourite track on the album is “Love Game” featuring Kendrick Lamar. This generation’s greatest rapper teams up with the original greatest rapper and instead of transforming into what could have been a rap battle between old and new, the song comes across a playful, fun collaboration between generations. Kendrick uses his verse to show the influence that Eminem has had on him, experimenting with different voices in a Slim Shady fashion.



It’s all been compliments up until now. Eminem undoubtedly proves himself to be the perfect rapper, which might suggest that this is the perfect hip hop album – but no it isn’t. Nearly, but not quite.

Musically, there are a few little potholes in the road, those being the beats and hooks. Some of the choruses such as on “Asshole” are just a tad too cheesy for my liking, as well as the instrumentation used on tracks like “Survival”. Also, Eminem’s singing voice can come off a little like a dying cat dragging its nails down a blackboard, such as on the track “Stronger than I Was”.



Stick to rapping, Em. You’re much better at it.

Nonetheless, I’m not going to let the odd cringe-worthy moment ruin an album for me that in other parts proves itself to be exceptional. Take this album from a rapping perspective and there’s little to fault. 

Sunday, 3 November 2013

Review of "MellowHigh" by MellowHigh


This album’s DOPE. I can’t rate it HIGHly enough. Okay, that’s enough dreadful weed-related puns.

Hodgy Beats, Domo Genesis and Left Brain – three members of the rap collective Odd Future – have teamed together to create this new project, MellowHigh, hip hop designed specifically to get baked to. The beats produced by Left Brain are chilled as bongwater. Whilst on occasions they can come across as a little clunky or simply uninspired, other tracks such as the smooth “Yu” with its sampled piano chords show Left Brain has beat-smithing talent. Hodgy and Domo spit some killer lines over the top. Subject matter is largely limited to smoking up, but the two rappers offer enough creative imagery and quips to keep things interesting. What they sadly lack is their own personality. Tyler the Creator and Earl Sweatshirt stand out from the Odd Future crowd because of their characteristic identities. Hodgy and Domo give me no hint as to who they really are. Yes, they’re stoners, but that's hardly a personality trait.

The album definitely has its own sound – drowsy and aptly mellow - and there are no tracks that I think are downright terrible. However, overall, it just doesn’t grip me all that much, perhaps because of a lack of hooks and personality. 


TRACK TASTER:


Friday, 1 November 2013

Review of "Melophobia" by Cage the Elephant


This alternative rock act from the tobacco-smoking, bourbon drinking, fried-chicken-famed Bluegrass State of Kentucky have always had the potential to be complete and utter nutters, but they seem to have squandered this potential. I received a similar feeling of slight disappointment on their last record, Thankyou, happy birthday. The Jello-Biafra-style warbles and screams and the dark and visceral, Pixies-influenced instrumentation made the album feel absolutely and beautifully chaotic in parts. However, there seemed to be an equal amount of tracks that came across as boringly sane.

Cage the nt elepha?
Melophobia suffers from the same amount of tedious sanity. The band have definitely grown more musically varied, incorporating horns and falsetto vocals, but amongst the mad moments (the piano freakout at the end of Its Just Forever comes to mind as well as the skippy moment in Spiderhead that made me think my computer had crashed) there are parts of this record that just remain bland. The last track, so forgettable I can’t remember its name, comes as a giant anti-climax after the whacky screwball of a track, Teeth, which features a zany sax solo and a bizarre spoken soliloquy. I know that for some people the lighters-up ballads will be the highlights, but I prefer the unhinged side to this band because personally it’s more interesting to me (probably because I’m a little unhinged myself).

This album has its brilliant moments but it could be made better if the group embraced the psycho-Mr. Bungle in them. 


TRACK TASTER: