Saturday, 9 December 2017

BEST AND WORST NEW TRACKS OF THE WEEK 09/12/2017: SOPHIE, Tune-Yards, The Tambourine Girls and more...

More music from the undisputed best blog in the universe.


‘Ponyboy’ – SOPHIE

After disappointingly soppy single ‘It’s Okay To Cry’, I’m glad to see SOPHIE coming back to form with this abrasive banger. The track’s mix of chopped vocals and over-compressed bass is sure to make most people throw their headphones across the room, whilst the BDSM-themed music video is likely to put just as many people off. For me, this unruly experimentalism is everything that made me fall in love with SOPHIE’s music in the first place.

‘You Don’t See Me’ – The Tambourine Girls

I almost didn’t give this track a chance. It starts off fairly simplistically with a pounding drum, pulsing bassline and hazy vocals, but it turns out to be a rewarding slowbuilder as more instrumentation gradually joins in leading up to a grand climax. The frontman of this Sydney four-piece also delivers some terrific lovelorn lyrics that seem to get more pained as the song progresses before finally finding bittersweet resolution: ‘I think you loved me completely in darkness, so that’s where I’ll be’.

 ‘ABC 123’ – Tune-Yards

ABC123LMNO’. That’s not how the alphabet goes! Still, even if I haven’t got a clue what Merrill is getting at, her frenetic art-pop sound is still as catchy and bubbly as ever. She has a new album scheduled for release in January titled I can feel you creep into my private life.

‘Surrender’ – Kode Maya

Finnish duo Kode Maya continue to piece together complex genre-bending music. It contains everything from twinkling synths to world percussion to even a section at 2:35 that sounds like the showdown in a Hollywood Western. It’s very different to their other single ‘Mosquito’, but just as exciting.


‘Perfect Duet’ – Ed Sheeran ft. Beyoncé

Beyoncé has jumped on a pre-existing Ed Sheeran track and made it all the more schmaltzy. They harmonise well, but what difference does that make when the melodies are dull as dishwater?

Thursday, 7 December 2017

The 10 Worst Songs of 2017

It’s that time for that annual post when I round up the year’s most abominable tracks. Which songs will feature this year? Despacito? Shape of You? Havana? Let’s be honest, those tracks have been overplayed – but they weren’t bad. Like, not really bad. Here are a few songs from 2017 that really take the crown.

PS: If you like these lists, don't forget to check out my yearly rundowns from 2014, 2015 and 2016.

10. ‘Paris’ – The Chainsmokers

My review of the latest Chainsmokers record wasn’t very positive. This single epitomises why. With its moody teenage lyrics, glossy pianos and general lack of energy, the result is undanceable dance music with about as much depth as a paddling pool.

9. ‘Swalla’ – Jason Derulo ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign

 ‘shimmy shimmy yay, shimmy yay, shimmy ya (drank)/ swall-la-la-la’. My one-month-year old daughter could come up with more intelligible lyrics than that. The beat does get your hips moving, but then you realise it’s just a rip-off of the Macarena.

8. ‘Da Race’ – Lanze

I’ve got to give it to this Ohio rapper – he’s got his own unique style. But he can barely keep his asthma attack flow in time with the beat, nor come up with any smart bars. It sounds like the kind of freestyle I’d pull off after climbing three flights of stairs.

7. ‘Peek a Boo’ – Lil Yachty ft. Migos

To be honest, any Lil Yachty single from this year could fit snugly on this list, but the line ‘she blow that dick like a cello’ makes this particular track unforgivable.

6. ‘Footprints in the Sand’ – Ian Errix

It’s like the worst of emo just collided with the worst of EDM. I also can’t stand faux-deep sentiments like ‘we’re all just footprints in the sand’. Put down your bong mate, you’re no philosopher.

5. ‘Mo Bounce’ – Iggy Azalea

The year of the butts was 2014. That year gave us a plentiful supply of butt anthems. Iggy’s latest addition shows she’s already lost her relevancy. Also, that ‘bounce’ hook makes me want to garrotte myself with my headphones.

4. ‘Devil on Hwy 9’ - Danzig

I’m convinced the gnarled rocker ran out of money in the recording studio and so told the producers ‘don’t worry about the vocals guys, I’ll record them on my phone’. The result sounds like bad karaoke.

3. ‘Masturbate’ – Princess Vitarah

I get that she’s a meme rapper, but this is too much for my innocent ears.

2. ‘Cumshot’ – Cupcakke

Pretty much identical in tone to the last track, only Cupcakke managed to step it up an extra notch. It makes me want to wear a chastity belt for the rest of my life. I didn’t know it was possible to be put off sex.

Now for the grand finale… 


1. ‘It’s Everyday Bro’ – Jake Paul ft. Team 10

2017 proved that anyone can become a rapper nowadays. Even the ‘Cash Me Ousside’ brat scored a record deal this year (I’ve avoided listening to any of her material, in case people were wondering why Bhad Bhabie isn’t on this list). All it takes to become a rapper nowadays is money and the audacity to think you can rap.

That isn’t to say anyone can become a ‘good’ rapper. Take vlogger Jake Paul and his fearsome posse of fellow Youtubers, whose hit ‘It’s Everyday Bro’ has amassed over 150 million views. The Vine star gets off to an ok start referring self-deprecatingly too his ‘Disney channel flow’, but before long his bars drift off-beat and next minute he’s uttering lines like ‘and I just dropped some new merch/ and its selling like a God church’.

A ‘God church’? What other churches are there? But wait, it gets worse. Because then Nick Crompton takes to the mic and utters the infamous line that has made this song the internet sensation that it is: ‘England is my city’.

It wouldn’t be so bad were it just a one-off meme. But now every Youtuber with a considerable fanbase is writing sincere rap songs – all because of this monstrosity. People shouldn’t be concerned about Soundcloud rap. Youtube rap is the movement that could turn hip hop on its head.

Friday, 1 December 2017

BEST AND WORST NEW TRACKS OF THE WEEK 01/12/2017: Wajatta, Django Django, N.E.R.D and more…

New tracks to welcome us into December. I’m sad because I didn’t buy an advent calendar.


‘Every Man Is A Pyramid Scheme’ – Faux Bandit

Packed with vivid lines such as ‘my God is a stoner kid/ I am a working class drug’, this new single from Brisbane rock group Faux Bandit takes a unique look at how we all build our own personalities out of hobbies and interests. It makes you wonder how much of our personalities are real and how much is what we want people to think. If that sounds too deep, don’t worry, the angry rugged riff has enough appeal for all you meat-headed rockers.   

 ‘Runnin’ – Wajatta

Surrealist comedian Reggie Watts is trying his hand at EDM under the stage name Wajatta (accompanied by producer John Tejada). It’s a vogue-worthy house number with chords stabs reminiscent of Inner City’s ‘Big Fun’ topped with some Reggie’s signature vocal loops. I was expecting something weirder from the frizzy-haired nutter, but I’m satisfied with this.

‘Pressure’ – SlickDotR

London rapper/singer SlickDotR delivers this new anthemic single ‘Pressure’. Everything about it feels vast from the city backdrop in the music video, to the epic instrumental made of pianos and 808s, to the walls of vocal harmonies in the chorus. The single comes off SlickDotR’s EP SR1 released earlier this year.

‘In Your Beat’ – Django Django

Django Django continue to sound utterly unique with their mix of Beach Boys vocal harmonies and retro synths. The music video meanwhile is its own nutty concoction of pop art, Monty Python and vaporwave. Marble Skies, the group’s new album, is scheduled to be released in January.

‘Killer’ – That Gum U Like

Influenced by TV series Twin Peaks, Brazilian duo That Gum U Like have dropped this new hypnotic electropop single ‘Killer’. It slinks along seductively to a backdrop of old-skool synths, lo-fi drums and oozing bass whilst the frontwoman dreamily sighs out ‘I’m a killer’ in a manner that’s both gorgeous and creepy.


‘1000’ – N.E.R.D ft. Future

In contrast to minimal banger ‘Lemon’, the experimental rap group’s latest single ‘1000’ is overstuffed with too many things going on. I like the heavy percussion breakdown and rave synthesisers, but the rest of the music is complete chaos. Pharrell’s delivery has gone all cartoonish, and Future’s verse comes of nowhere. 

Review of 'Reputation' by Taylor Swift

Look what you made me write.

Taylor Swift probably isn’t as much of a bitch as people make her out to be. She’s had a long succession of failed relationships – at this point finding guys to break up with may be a routine part of her songwriting process. If she was in a stable relationship, what the hell would she sing about? The way I see it, each breakup is a career move and not the result of her being a terrible person.  

After all, as Reputation shows, coming mean doesn’t come naturally to Swift. The singer has decided to try the whole good-girl-turned-bad reinvention straight out the ending of Grease. Gone are the breezy country-pop singles with innocent sex-free lyrics. She’s now singing racy hooks like ‘only bought this dress so you could take it off’ over urban beats weaved out of synths and trap rap 808s as if she were Rihanna.

But unlike Rihanna, who probably is a mean bitch in real life, Swift doesn’t quite have the conviction to always pull it off. Clickbaity-titled opener ‘…Ready For It’ has a beat that wouldn’t sound out of place on Yeezus and semi-rapped lyrics about dating a psycho, but then it segues into some mushy chorus about yearning for the guy in her dreams. Similarly, ‘Getaway Car’ tries to opt for a Bonnie and Clyde theme but ends up sounding like a cheap teen romance novel.

Soppy breakup ballads and teen crush tunes are still Taylor’s comfort zone. She does do a good job of sometimes relating these songs to her fame as on ‘Gorgeous’ – on the surface it’s a song about Swift getting jealous over another girl’s good looks, but in reality it’s a dig at Swift’s haters who despise her purely for her prettiness. But then there are tracks like ‘King Of My Heart’ that are as close to the template as a generic pop song can get in 2017.

I didn’t want to dislike this album – I half-enjoyed Taylor's previous dance-y record 1989 and felt there were a few infectious guilty pleasures on it (AKA ‘Shake It Off’). But on Reputation, the fun cheekiness seems to have been replaced by a try-hard bad girl image that’s just awkward. Sometimes she succeeds in sounding like a sexy femme fatale as on ‘Dress’, but then there are moments in which she still sounds like an edgy teen spilling out her life on Tumblr, such as the already infamous line: ‘I’m sorry, the old Taylor Swift can’t some to the phone right now. Why? Cause she’s dead’. Add on top the fact that many of the instrumentals are just watered-down Weeknd beats and you’re left with an album that really isn’t very interesting beneath its veil of hype.