Sunday, 16 November 2014

My Top 10 Favourite Album Covers

I’ve always appreciated album artwork. I still buy physical copies of albums, sometimes just for the record sleeves. In fact, most of the time I throw away the CD and just keep the case.

The disc just gets in the way.

Lists of favourite album covers are a pretty common sight in the music bloggersphere. I thought I'd make my own list anyhow, since I am a musical genius and my opinion needs to be heard. Hence, I've created this gallery of my top 10 favourite album covers of all time.

So, music critic hat off. Art critic hat on. Welcome to the exhibition. Please do not touch the artwork. No flash photography please. The song in the Youtube clip below should help set the mood.



10. Limp Bizkit – 'Gold Cobra'



What an excellent album to begin with. This record sleeve’s got everything:

Sexy bikini-clad babes.

 A snazzy down-with-the-kids font.


 Gollum picking his nose in the background.

Oh, and look there's a giant cobra!

I admit, it’s slightly peculiar that the album is called “Gold Cobra” and yet the snake ISN’T GOLD. Perhaps the artist was colour-blind? Perhaps I’m colour-blind? Perhaps colour is subjective and none of us have the right to dictate what's gold and what's not gold.

9. Lady Gaga – 'Born this Way'




A deeply thought-provoking visual that symbolises the parasitic relationship that we now have with technology. As one critic described it, it looks like “a reject from the last terminator film”. 

Oh, wait, 'reject from the last terminator film', that's not actually a compliment, is it? Hell, ignore that quote. That ignorant prick doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

8. Manowar - 'Anthology'



If you're a heavy metal band and you want to appeal to your fans consisting mainly of red-blooded, heterosexual males then the best thing to do is obviously to slap a load of half-naked, sweaty men on the front of your album (it certainly grabs my attention!)

7. Dolly Parton - 'Bubbling Over'



Dolly Parton's disembodied head erupting violently from out of what looks like a canal. Honestly, what more could you ask for?

6. Paddy Roberts - 'Songs for Gay Dogs'



Until Paddy Roberts came along, homosexual dogs were forced to listen to the same music as the rest of us.

I can't believe such injustice used to exist in the world. Quite frankly, it makes me sick.

5. The Faith Tones - 'Jesus Use Me'



Brendan Fraser, Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Fry all on the same album cover. Honestly, what more could you ask for?

4. Saveta Jovanovic - 'Lazno Je, Lazno, Sve Sto Je Tvoje'


 

Natural body hair. Honestly, what more could you ask for?

3. Battleaxe - 'Burn this Town'



Okay, I know what you’re thinking. This is a photograph, right? Well, no it isn’t. This was actually hand-drawn!

Some artists really don’t get the recognition they deserve.

2. Jim Post - 'I Love my Life'



I’ve always been a hardcore feminist. Not many people know that. Now you do.

Sexual objectification in today’s society seems to be reserved exclusively for women, and the reason I love this album cover so much is because it makes the man the sex symbol for once. American folk singer-songwriter, Jim Post, is what every girl wants and what every guy wants to be. That moustache and seductive gaze are enough to turn a lesbian straight. I can vouch for this, as a lesbian man.


 Honestly, just look into those eyes.



Those aren’t eyes.




This is just silly. Stop it.



STAHP!


1. Ken - 'By Request Only'




So, here it is! My favourite album cover of all time. Well done for getting this far down the article. I hope it was worth it, having to scroll past blurred pictures of nipples. You know I applied for a job at the Financial Times the other week. Do you know why I didn’t get the job? No, neither do I.

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