Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Review of 'The Pinkprint' by Nicki Minaj


SORRY MILEY I STILL LUV U BUT WE’RE GONNA HAV TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING NOW COS NICKI HAS STOLEN MY HEART. ITS NOT U ITS ME. NO HARD FEELINGS MILEY. ALL THE BEST XXX :(




OH NICKI U SO FINE OH NICKI U BLOW MY MIND HEY NICKI #BaesJustWannaHaveFun.

I AM SO GLAD I FOUND UR MUSIC!!! IT WAS A HOT SUMMERS DAY WHEN I WAS ON YOUTUBE WATCHING FUNNY CAT VIDEOS AND I STUMBLED ACROSS UR MUSIC VIDEO FOR ANACONDOR AND IT CHANGED MY #LIFE

SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN UR BIGGEST FAN. I KNEW THAT U WERE DESTINED TO B MY BAE. LIKE MILEY U CAN SING. LIKE MILEY U CAN TWERK. UNLIKE MILEY HOWEVER U CAN ALSO DO #RAPING!!!

IMO I WOULD GO SO FAR AS TO CALL U THE GREATEST FEMALE RAPER OF ALL TIME. BETTER THAN IGGY AZOOLIO. BETTER THAN AZOOLIO BANKS. BETTER THAN AZOOLIO IGLESIAS. BETTER THAN ALL THE AZOOLIOS. TBH U R NOT JUST THE BEST FEMALE RAPER. I THINK U R THE BEST RAPER FULL STOP.

#EvenBetterThanM&Ms
WHEN I HEARD U HAD A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT I HAD TO BUY IT. I PREORDERED 500 COPIES BECAUSE I KNEW ONE WOULD NOT BE ENOUGH. ALL 500 COPIES ARRIVED IN THE POST YESTERDAY. I WAS SO EXCITED I LITERALLY #DIED!!!!!!

SINCE YESTERDAY I HAVE LISTENED TO UR ALBUM FRONT TO BACK, BACK TO FRONT, UPSIDE DOWN, INSIDE OUT AND IT WAS TIME I THOUGHT TO DO A REVIEW 4 THE PPL SEEING AS I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN. HONESTLY NOBODY IS AS BIG A FAN AS ME. I HAVE ALL UR MEMORABILA NICKI. I HAVE A SHRINE TO U THE ROMAN GODESS OF SWAGNESS IN MY BEDROOM. I EAT OFF PLATES WITH UR FACE ON. I HAVE UR FACE TATOOED ON MY BUTT. I HAVE UR BUTT TATTOOED ON MY FACE!!!!!11!!!



ANYWAY ITS ALMOST 6PM AND NEARLY MY BEDTIME SO LETS GET THIS REVIEW STARTED.

THE ALBUM STARTS WITH ‘ALL THINGS GO’, MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM. IT IS A TRACK ABOUT HOW ALL THINGS GO, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER #YOLO. IT IS VERY DEEP AND VERY SAD #EBOLA. IF YOU DON’T FIND IT DEEP OR SAD THEN U HAVE NO EMOTIONS.



NEXT UP IS ‘GET ON YOUR KNEES’. THIS TRACK HAS A SINGER CALLED ARYAN GRAN ON IT. SHE SINGS ABOUT HOW MEN SHOULD NOT GIVE WOMEN FLOWERS AND DIAMONDS AND HOW THEY SHOULD BEG INSTEAD. THIS IS A USEFUL TIP FOR ALL MEN. GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BEG AND BEG AND YOU WILL GET THE WOMAN OF YOUR DREAMS. I PLAN TO USE THIS TACTIC WHEN I PROPOSE TO MY BAE NICKI <3

PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM.

Aryan Gran


AFTER THE SECOND TRACK COMES THE FOURTEENTH TRACK ‘PILLS AND POTIONS’. HERE NICKI SLOWS THINGS DOWN AND SINGS ABOUT HER LOVE FOR 'THE GAME', A RAPER WHO APPEARS IN THE VIDEO. THIS TRACK SHOWS THAT NICKI MINAJ CAN DO SOFT SONGS AS WELL AS HARD SONGS. IT IS MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM. WATCH THE VIDEO TO SEE NICKI SMOKING AND CRYING SCARY METALLIC TEARS.


AFTER THE FOURTEENTH TRACK COMES THE SIXTH TRACK ‘ONLY’. THIS TRACK FEATURES DRAKE, LIL WANK AND JAMES BROWN. IT IS A SONG ABOUT THE MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP AND COULD QUITE POSSIBLY BE MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM. IT HAS A SEXY MUSIC VIDEO AND A CONTROVERSIAL LYRIC VIDEO WHICH PPL HAVE BEEN GETTING ANGRY ABOUT BECAUSE IT HAS NAZIS IN IT BUT I DON’T THINK THEY ARE REAL NAZIS. I THINK ITS ACTUALLY A CARTOON. LOOK CLOSELY AT 3:44 AND YOU CAN TELL THAT ITS ANIMATED AND NOT ACTUAL WW2 FOOTAGE.




NEXT IS THE TWELFTH TRACK ‘ANACONDOR’. OMGOMGOMG I LOOOOVE THIS TRACK!!!!!!!! IT FEATURES A BEAT FROM SIR KILLALOT . ITS HANDS DOWN MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM. THE LYRICS ARE ABOUT SIR-KILLALOT’S PET SNAKE THAT WON’T EAT UNLESS YOU FEED IT BREAD: ‘MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HUN’. I WASN’T AWARE THAT SNAKES ATE BREAD. PPL THINK NICKI'S MUSIC IS DUMB BUT IT IS ACTUALLY #EDUCATIONAL.

THE TRACK COMES WITH A SEXUAL VIDEO WHICH PPL HAVE BEEN SAYING IS TOO SEXUAL. PERSONALLY I THINK IF YOU FIND THIS VIDEO TOO SEXUAL THEN YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND AND SHOULD CUT YOUR BALLS OFF AS THIS WILL STOP YOU FROM GETTING AROUSED (TRUST ME I’VE TRIED IT!!!11!!)




NEXT COMES THE ONE-HUNDRED-AND-FIFTY-EIGHTH TRACK ‘ILLUMINATI SWAG’ WHICH IS THE LAST TRACK ON THE ALBUM. IT IS SIXTY NINE MINUTES LONG AND FEATURES VERSES FROM JUSTIN BIEBER, ONE DIRECTION, CHER LLOYD, RIFF RAFF, LIL B, LIL KIM, LITTLE RICHARD, LIL CHRIS, YUNG LEAN, YOUNG THUG, YOUNG YEEZY, NEIL YOUNG, BONO, ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS, MICROSOFT SAM, GODZILLA, SHIA LE BOUEF, ROBERT MUGABE, ROLF HARRIS, GARY GLITTER, IAN WATKINS, THE GHOST OF JIMMY SAVILE, EVERY MEMBER OF ISIS AND JAR JAR BINKS.

 IN THE TRACK NICKI MINAJ COVERS TOPICS SUCH AS QUANTUM PHYSICS AND THE MEANING OF LIFE RAPPED AT 1000 WORDS PER SECOND. SHE THEN SINGS IN EIGHT OCTAVES, THERE IS A GUITAR SOLO FROM BRIAN MAY AND IT ENDS WITH NICKI WHISPERING ‘SWAG’ WHICH ECHOES FOR SEVERAL SECONDS AND THEN THE ALBUM IS OVER.




PERSONALLY I THOUGHT THIS WAS A RATHER UNDERWHELMING END TO THE ALBUM BUT STILL A GREAT TRACK. IN FACT IT IS MY FAVOURITE TRACK ON THE ALBUM.

ALL IN ALL I THINK I HAVE PROVED THAT NICKI IS WORTH CHECKING OUT. SHE IS PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES OF MUSIC ON THIS ALBUM. THIS ALBUM IS AN EAsy 5 stars. Oh wow!!!! I've just discovered the caps lock button. That's handy!!!!!!!1!!!1!11

★ OOPS AGAIN SLIGHTLY MORE THAN 5 STARS #SWAGNIFICENT #SWAGHETTI #YOLONESE

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