Thursday, 20 December 2018

The 10 Worst Songs of 2018



It's time to eat tide pods, blow your brains out with a smocking gun and incinerate your remains with one of Elon Musk's flamethrowers - the worst songs of 2018 are here!
Even though I think there's been a lot of great music this year, I was surprised by just how many equally awful tracks there were in 2018. I could have created a list twice this length, but for the sake of everyone's collective sanity here are just ten of the very worst. Enjoy!

(By the way, if you like these lists, don't forget to check out my worst songs of 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017 too!).

10. ‘TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME’ – The 1975


I want to punch this obnoxious song title in the face. Is it possible to punch a song title? As for the music itself, it’s an auto-tuned droning mess with a dancehall beat so bland even Drake would turn his nose up at it.

9. ‘German’ – EO


This kid’s 16, so he’s not even got his provisional yet. Why is he lying about driving a German car when we all know he can’t drive? Besides there’s already a song called ‘German Whip’ – how many more songs about driving German cars do we need?

8. ‘Bastards’ – Machine Head


I’m all for hating on Trump, but if I have to listen to another anti-Trump song in 2019 I may just wear a MAGA hat out of protest. This year, metal group Machine Head saw fit to jump on the anti-Trump bandwagon with a big melodramatic ballad. It’s so melodramatic, that it sounds like a satirical South Park song. Rob Flynn also feels the need to use racial/homophobic slurs to support his message (at the 3:45 mark).  

7. ‘Mia Khalifa’ – ILOVEFRiDAY


After getting offended by a Tweet from ex-porn star Mia Khalifa (a tweet which turned out to be fake), this rap duo decided it would be a good idea to create this diss track in response. The lyrics are complete trash and the dude’s singing is torturous: 'whooOOOoo do you think your are?'. The track also spawned this horrible Tik Tok meme. The beat’s kind of fun though, I’ll give them that…

6. ‘FEFE’ – Nicki Minaj ft. 6ix9ine


Nicki Minaj teams up with human-bag-of-Skittles 6ix9ine for a match made in hell. Together they play patta-cake and deliver aggressively sexual lyrics in nursery rhyme form: ‘Eeny Meeny Miny Moe/ I catch a hoe right by her toe/ if she ain’t fuckin’ me and Nicki/ kick that ho right through the door’. If the mix of aggressive sexuality and childplay wasn’t already gross, the fact that 6ix9ine was accused of having sex with a minor makes it all the more horrendous.

5. ‘Whiteboy – Tom MacDonald


There are lots of rap songs out there about black struggles, but what about white struggles? Don’t worry, Tom MacDonald is here to the rescue telling us just how repressed white people are. This man has a victim complex.

4. ‘I Love It’ – Kanye West & Lil Pump


Kanye released a single earlier this year called ‘Lift Yourself’ in which the lyrics were literally ‘poopity scoop, scoop-diddy woop’, and yet even that had more substance than this awful collaboration with Lil Pump. Kanye goes on some tangent about sparkling water whilst Lil Pump drops expectedly awful bars such as ‘like a lighter, bitch, we ignant’ (an attempt to make ‘ignorant’ sound like ‘ignite’). The music video of the pair in Roblox outfits is the only thing that redeems it.

3. ‘Kream’ – Tyga & Iggy Azalea


‘Ass, cash, cash, ass, bags, bag…’ Are these lyrics for real? There’s also the disturbing line: ‘deep in that pussy, yeah I’m drowning/ A shark in the water, how you found me?’ Why is there a shark in her pussy?  

2. ‘Warzone’ – Yoko Ono


I know, I know, putting a Yoko Ono song in this list is basically cheating considering she’s been making unlistenable music her entire career. But I couldn’t just ignore this monstrosity: ‘Warzone… warzone… we’re living in a warzone. It’s a warzoOOOOOooone! Men flashing their guns and BALLS!’ At 85, she’s truly lost her marbles.

1. ‘Fuh You’ – Paul McCartney


I want to fuh you’. That’s right - the 76-year-old ex-Beatle wants to ‘fuh you’. What the hell possessed him into thinking this was a good idea? I expect these types of lyrics from 6ix9ine and Tyga but not national treasure Sir Paul McCartney. He’s trying so hard to be down with the kids that it’s beyond embarrassing. At least Yoko Ono is staying true to herself. With this one song alone, Paul has destroyed his legacy. The only thing I can positively comment on is the video – is that really Paul McCartney? My God, he's aged well...

So there we have it! What were your least favourite songs of the year???

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